The Truth about Goats
Scientists have warned of a steep rise in bestiality due to the naïve nature of goats, who are easily lured by lusty looks or the leering face of a Peer of the Realm. Sadly too many animals trust happy smiling faces, which is why no goat has ever been attracted to Jose Mourinho.
Horniness for those with horns is not a new phenomena, as Jim Bowen and Bully would attest. Said a colleague: ‘Jim would not admit he had he a problem and take the bull by the horns – so to speak. It was the elephant in the room and don’t get me started about his love of elephants’.
Results suggest animals can read human emotional states – although they still seem pretty dumb when it comes to spotting hunger. A specific report from an Austrian lab confirmed that ‘high on the hills was a lonely goat herd’ and that kids should avoid him at all costs.
One animal rights activist said: ‘We need to warn goats that not every happy face has their best interests in mind. Be wary of happy butchers, happy molesters or happy meals. A smile can hide all manner of sinister intentions – have you met Nigel Farage? The only positive is that in post-Brexit Britain, happy faces are going to be hard to fake’.