The Truth about Goats
A young couple from Galilee are said to be upset by a Non-Invasive Prenatal Test (NIPT) conducted by the Holy Ghost. While they would have preferred to keep their child’s gender a surprise; they claim they were pressured into begatting with ethereal spirits, while an Arch Angel made Mary ‘wee on a stick’.
Allegedly this is the conversation that followed with Gabriel:
‘Do not be afraid, Mary, you will be with child and give birth to a son.’
‘A son, but I wanted a girl?’
‘No, boy only, and you are to give him the name Jesus’.
‘I don’t even get to pick the name?’
‘He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High.’
‘Are you sure Jesus isn’t a girl’s name?’
‘It’s not. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David – so that means no girls.’
‘But I’m still a virgin’
‘Fear not, the Holy Spirit will come upon you – with some kind of turkey baster’.
Meanwhile, Joseph complained about the NIPT: ‘It’s frustrating, we wanted a daughter. I spent a week decorating a bedroom pink. Look at all the carving that went into that crib. Beautiful hardwood. Lovely grain. And the joinery, look at all the joinery. No one appreciates craftsmanship. God sleeps with my wife, then tells me there’s no point having a second vote on a predetermined outcome – he’s just like Boris Johnson’.