The Truth about Goats
The Food Standards Agency (FSA) have reported that the vast majority of political offal has trace elements of the former Foreign Secretary and his ‘yellow pubes’. Boris is the most common Brexit contaminate; alongside codswallop, sour lemons and a ‘big fat turkey’.
Despite labelling to the contrary, the majority of potential trade agreements have 1% Boris – which is the equivalent to 100% bullsh$t. Of course, this follows on from the horsemeat scandal and the time David Cameron tried to introduce his DNA to a pig’s mouth.
FSA scientists are unsure at what point of negotiations Mr. Johnson was added to the mix, as he is incapable of keeping his opinions and genitals to himself. Any Brexit generated now is likely to have a startling resemblance to the former Foreign Secretary; 50% horny goat, 50% confused livestock and 50% mathematical genius.
An FSA spokeswoman said: ‘Unsanitary and unwholesome, Mr. Johnson perpetually sticks his oar and his Johnson, where it’s not welcome. If members of the public come across a large, festering sack of sheep’s testicles – don’t vote for him’.