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‘It’d be a shame not to use my zombie survival skills’ says man


Having been saturated with dozens of zombie-themed TV shows and movies, most citizens feel more than qualified to deal with anything Michael Gove might throw at them. In fact many, who have mastered bludgeoning the undead with a baseball bat, feel that their specialized skill set is not being fully utilized, outside of a Jeremy Kyle studio audience.

While nobody, except for the American Mid-West, is desperate for the End of Days; lots of experienced gamers are itching to decapitate a zombie with a crudely-fashioned machete. There is only so many times you can simulate blasting someone in the face with a stolen shotgun before you want to put that into practice, with your nearest and dearest.

Even the UK government, which is stock piling food, is clearly gearing up for an apocalypse more significant than a hard Irish border. Theresa May is alleged to have complained that the Walking Dead already have a majority on the 1922 committee.

Explained one Zombie expert: ‘Home owners are encouraged to zombie-proof their property, whereas those in the rental sector are advised to bend over and kiss their tokhis goodbye. I’ve been fantasizing about a Zombie attack for years, as far as I’m concerned it can’t come fast enough – which is why I voted Leave’.

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This entry was posted on September 27, 2018 by in UK Lifestyle and tagged , , , , , .

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