The Truth about Goats
In what is being seen as a copycat crime and an attempt to improve the diet of seamstresses, an unknown Australian has started forcing fruit into darning kits. While not an actual threat to the public, police have warned that it is potentially a ‘sticky situation’.
Australian supermarkets were advised to remove all fruit and vegetables; a course of action welcomed by all fussy children. Initially the government had planned to introduce stricter criminal penalties for food tampering, but apparently Vegemite was actually meant to look like that.
The perpetrator is clearly targeting embroiders with a vitamin C deficiency. Historically needlework has featured in a range of fruits, with many a scurvy-ridden, tardy seaman sustained by the fact: ‘A stitch in lime, says time’.
Now Australian tailors will need to be on heightened alert for a ‘fruity fingering around the haberdashery’ – which was incidentally the title of Kenneth Williams’ autobiography. Many sewers have been forced to give up their hobby, with one commenting; ‘Frankly my dear, I don’t give a darn’.