The Truth about Goats
In a bold policy shift, the Prime Minister has said she will clamp down on anyone with a foreign-sounding name acquiring a low-skilled job – which sadly, has the Home Secretary, Sajid Javid, slightly worried. Worse still, Mrs May insisted that there was no place for those barely qualified to pick strawberries – which means sayonara for Michael Gove.
For too long members of her Cabinet have held down high-paid jobs, which could easily have been outsourced to a sentient bowl of porridge. In fact many Ministerial posts require a skill set similar to that of a family of baboons; that is, of course, if monkeys also had a predilection for porn, tax evasion and secret meetings with the Israeli Government.
Already Boris Johnson has quit the Cabinet to go work in a care-home, after he mistakenly answered an advertisement asking for an ‘arse-wipe’. What this means for an out-of-work Chris Grayling is unsure, as Mr. Grayling is woefully lacking the to work-readiness to flip burgers, the inter-personal skills to be a men’s room attendant or the basic hygiene to be an organ donor.
A No.10 spokeswoman said: ‘Our new visa system will ensure only those with the highest skills arrive the UK, unless of course you’re related to the ‘Windrush’ generation – in that case it’s probably not worth unpacking’.