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Popes to be elected using Vape


In a week where E-Cig manufacturers pressure MP’s to extend vaping laws , the Vatican has confirmed that they will be employing a Benedictine Monk with a ‘sixty a day habit’.  In the event of a Papal Conclave, Brother Antonio will perch in the loft of the Sistine Chapel with a twenty foot e-cigarette and a vat of incense-infused nicotine.

Originally the suggestion was that all 115 cardinals would smoke regular sized e-cigs, but they were theologically split between the flavours of Banana Hammock Bread, Cotton Candy Fiddler and Jesuit Black Mamba.  Instead Brother Antonio was seen as a neutral arbitrator and ‘classic pot head’.

Native Americans and Aboriginal Australians have long used ‘Send Help Now’ e-juice in their smoke signals and gift shops.  While in 2017, the most seen form of avionic skywriting, was the phrase ‘Wenger Out’ in a flavorsome ‘Gooner Tears’.

Unfortunately the Vatican’s announcement was over-shadowed by accusations of industrial-scale abuse, levelled at the church; but as one priest explained: ‘It’s wrong to say there’s no smoke without fire.  It’s clearly a vape cloud of innocence’.

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This entry was posted on October 10, 2018 by in Faith and tagged , , , , , .

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