The Truth about Goats
Damian Hinds has laid out his vision for the schooling system, which will culminate in all graduates being vaporized to avoid the disappointment of low-wage gig-economy. Anyone over 21 will participate in a ‘Carrousel of Death’ or – as the Mr. Hinds describes it – a ‘career’s day’.
Appealing to young voters, Mr. Hind promised a hedonistic childhood, a Utopian State Education, all followed by a laser beam to the forehead. Anyone attending a Grammar school will be given a ‘life-clock’ crystal in the palm of their hand, while anyone attending a Secondary Modern will be given one minute to put their affairs in order.
Addressing the Conservative Conference under the slogan ‘Student death is the best way of avoiding student debt’, Mr. Hinds offered graduates a bright, but remarkably brief future. A spokeswoman explained: ‘Sixteen years of ‘free’ education is a pretty good innings, but all good things come to an end – or in this case, state-sponsored euthanasia’.
Mr. Hinds denied that he had plagiarized the plot of Logan’s Run, said the spokeswoman: ‘Yes, the students will be killed, but their physical remains will be turned into protein shakes – and that’s the plot of ‘Soylent Green’.’