The Truth about Goats
Booking lines have been inundated, with festival goers hoping to experience the once in a lifetime experience of having a sparkly butterfly drawn on their face, by someone with a GCSE in art but business degree from LSE. Fortunately Glastonbury fans have not been put off by the cost of £248 tickets, especially now that there will be a unique opportunity to ‘see a guy with dreads, walking on stilts’.
Tickets sold out in just over half an hour, as soon as the rumour broke that there might be some kind bouncy castle. Said one attendee: ‘Normally it’s just boring old bands but this year there’s going to be balloon animals!’
About 200,000 people are due to attend the festival at Worthy Farm, making the queues for the Punch and Judy tent particularly long. Festival goers can expect be harassed by jugglers of every ethnicity, have unprotected sex with a range of mime artists and win a party bag filled with poppers, just not the fun kind.
Not only is Glastonbury the world’s largest green-field festival, it also boasts the longest game of Pass the Parcel. Yet, organiser Emily Eavis denied that the event was starting to resemble a toddler’s birthday party, as the only jelly being eaten would be by Sir Paul McCartney – due to problems with his dentures.