Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

When is it okay to bring a bonesaw to a party?

If you are planning to host an event in a Saudi Embassy, of your choice, there are important social niceties to observe; such as to cover the furniture in plastic sheets, keep fingerprints to a minimum and only kill your guests after the coffee has been served.

Explained one Crown Prince: ‘We’ve all done it, arrived at a black tie event with the wrong set of slicing implements.  It’s so tricky to know when to use the soup spoon or the nipple clamp?  My advice is to keep things informal until the screaming starts, allow guests to smoke – it’s the least of their worries and you can easily promote lively conversation through a range of torture techniques’.

Tidying up is always a problem, so do not expect a multi-billion pound arms deal to clear up a red wine stain or eight pints of blood. We advise that you put your dishes in for a long soak, alongside any knives, knuckle dusters or Amnesty reports.

Above all, have fun, its not meant to be life or death – at least for the host.  Said the Prince:  ‘Vegans are sometimes hard to accommodate given the propensity for arterial splatter.  And, at the end of the evening, probably best not to look in the goodie bags’.

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This entry was posted on October 29, 2018 by in International Crime and tagged , , , , .

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