The Truth about Goats
A nation was shocked, when Jeremy Corbyn failed to patriotically mark this year’s Remembrance Service; but instead said something ‘girly’ about peace and remembering some boring guff about history. The cowardly Leader of the Opposition even forgot to wear an appropriate tailcoat, top hat and monocle – or ‘Casual Friday’ as Jacob Rees Mogg calls it.
Max Schneider (97), a decorated Luftwaffe pilot, had been careful selected for the honour of being ritually slaughtered by the Cenotaph. Sadly Mr. Corbyn pointedly refused to honour the dead by adding to their number; even forgetting to unleash the ceremonial hounds on a token Turkish family.
By contrast the Prime Minister, in her ermine robe, tastefully garrotted an elderly Austrian tourist using a Union Jack flag, while whistling the tune to HMS Pinafore. Unlike Mr. Corbyn’s modest poppy, Mrs May’s badge measured 238ft in circumference, large enough to house the UK’s 13,000 homeless veterans.
One shocked MP said: ‘My grandfather didn’t die in the WW1 for this to happen – admittedly he didn’t die in any war – he was too busy selling cement to both sides, but you get my point. Look here, if you can’t commemorate the end of the Great War by helping bomb Yemen, then the socialists have won!’