The Truth about Goats
In order to commercialise law in the capital and put the pizzazz into policing, Scotland Yard will be launching a range of goods including furry handcuffs, vibrating truncheons and a fetching stab-vest poncho. Said one fire-arms officer: ‘This Glock 26 pistol with diamante handle, is to die for – particularly if you’re from an ethnic minority’.
Branding firm ‘The Point’ have already come up with possible new names for the Metropolitan Police including ‘Costa Criminal’, ‘House of Taser’ or ‘CopShop’. Although some London residents prefer the straight forward ‘Rascists’R’Us’.
Discerning shoppers will now be able to wow others by wearing a Hi-Vis onesie offset by 5.11 Tactical Boots with kitten heel. Although you are warned not to use the Met Perfume too close to your eyes, as it does contain pepper.
Various glamorous garments are on offer – such as leopard-print spit-hoods, Gucci evidence bags and a jolly Disney-themed child-sized restraint. Explained another officer: ‘Obviously we will need to move with the fashions. Fortunately when it comes to shoot to kill, black is still the new black’.