The Truth about Goats
Regardless of dying, at the ripe old age of 95, movie executives already have plans afoot to resurrect Stan Lee, for as many times as is profitable. Grieving relatives have committed the decaying remains of Mr. Lee to a six-figure movie deal – where he will have the opportunity to fight The Hulk, mortification and the smell of mothballs.
Explained one director: ‘Stan is one of our most successful franchises. And as such, we plan to dig up his festering corpse, put him spandex and thwack the hell out of him. Research suggests that the 18-25 male demographic want to see an atrophying corpse, provided we can put some breasts on him’.
His superhero name will reflect his nearly departed state; either The Caped Decomposer, The Masked Putrefaction or John Humphrys. Plans to have the President of Marvel Comics played by Ben Affleck have been shelved, as Mr. Lee did not want to swap actual death for career suicide.
Some may be appalled at the sight of rigor mortis on screen, but Johnny Depp manages to get away with it all the time. Likewise, those who fear the true horror of a re-animated Stan Lee, should not forget how they felt the first time they watched ‘Batman vs Superman’.