The Truth about Goats
While scientists may have concluded that a darker environment leads to heavy drinking; the truth is that your average warm country is ‘an uptight little priss’, who only cares about mocktails, lemon-soaked paper napkins and being in bed by 8. Colder nations may have the liver of Betty Ford at Magaluf, but at least they know how to party and how to operate a stomach pump.
Data from 193 countries provided evidence that climate contributed to binge drinking, but that it also contributes to getting your eyebrows shaved, chundering into a wheelie bin and getting some ‘properly dubious’ tattoos. By contrast hot countries, just sit around playing Canasta and sipping weak tea.
One doctor explained: ‘With alcohol, you have much higher chance of cirrhosis, but you also have a much higher chance of waking up in bed with a random stranger or writing ‘A Farewell to Arms’. Yes alcohol is a depressant, but no more depressing than talking to a teetotaller’.
Scientists also say there is a connection between darker environments and suicide – but that occurs when you run out of vodka and only have Budweiser to drink. Remarked one hardened drinker: ‘Yes, the weather may be cold, dark and never-ending but so is Brexit. Alcohol helps dull the pain and the sense of regret – and it also keeps my mind off the weather’.