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Boris Johnson sold for scrap


The current London Mayor, Sadiq Khan, has managed to recover £11,000 in scrap value for an obsolete Foreign Secretary – made from saturated fat, fuzzy-felt and Remainer tears.  The broken remains of Boris Johnson will be symbolically towed up the Thames, past non-garden bridges, to be melted down and upcycled into a Victorian spittoon. 

Originally purchased for £320,000, Mr. Johnson was intended as crowd-control weapon, capable of ejaculating over dozens of unmarried women.  The ‘Johnson canon’ could unleash a torrent of spurious facts and Latin vocab, all while making a noise similar to a deflating Billy Bunter.

Sadly Boris was purchased before a license was obtained for his use, which would have required a rabies jab, a muzzle and a much needed neutering.  Subsequently Mr. Johnson has sat in a reclamation yard, alongside one ‘soiled’ red bus and a tangled zip wire.

The use of Boris in riot situations was restricted in 2015 and could only be used in Referendum pie-fights.  Any proceeds from the sale of Boris will go to support hundreds of London’s disenfranchised youngsters – at least until Boris starts paying their child support.

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This entry was posted on November 29, 2018 by in UK Politics and tagged , , , .

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