The Truth about Goats
With 85,000 children, under the age of five, dead from malnutrition – those remaining in Yemen have been advised to ‘tuck in’ to all the delicious debris and mouth-watering, unexploded, cluster bombs. A British-made BL-755 can feed a family of four for a whole month – or, if they press the wrong button, it can turn a family of four into a family of twenty-four separate fillet pieces.
Each bomblet ejects a stream of molten metal, which can then be used as a substitute for an aromatic shallot and red wine sauce. Exploding into 2,000 bite-size fragments, the shrapnel itself is indistinguishable from a prawn orecchiette with roasted-shell olive oil, or a Chicken McNugget.
Since the bombing campaign started, UK arms sales to Saudi Arabia has increased by 11,000%, whereas sales of Cornish pasties to Yemen have barely changed. With over £4bn of arms sold during the war, Britain has not once tried to drop a traditional bread pudding on Houthi – mainly because it is too heavy to carry by plane.
With 22 million starving as a result of bombing – it is not about getting a bikini body but about avoiding looking like Bikini Atoll. Complained one child, paraphrasing Groucho Marx: ‘The shrapnel is so hard to eat. And such small portions.’