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The Truth about Goats

Students advised not to accept ‘unconditional’ love

There has been a rise in the proportion of students entering relationships without the basic requirements, such as – cleanliness, solvency and a ‘bod that won’t quit.  Instead, people are accepting ‘love’ from any student applicant with a pulse, even those that study PE.

UCAS figures show one-third of applicants aged 18 received an unconditional offer last year, whereas two-thirds of all under the age of 18 received a very different offer from R Kelly.  The Association of School and College Leaders has warned that students accepting unconditional love, could end up in the wrong relationship – or worse still, at Luton University.

A spokeswoman for the Education Secretary explained: ‘Unconditional offers are getting students through the backdoor.  And I for one, will let nobody bang on my backdoor, unless I’m very drunk or it’s their birthday’.

The fear is those with an offer will stop trying in their relationships, no longer shaving or keeping in trim. Complained one student: ‘Look, it’s really hard to get an unconditional offer – just ask the Brexit Secretary’.

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This entry was posted on December 13, 2018 by in UK Education and tagged , , , , .

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