The Truth about Goats
In an unprecedented attack, Elizabeth II has used her seasonal address to label a magical Grammar school, as being ‘an inclusive fantasy’. In a mix of latin and jamaican patois, the Queen lets rip at the lazy, derivative and child-like tweets of JK Rowling.
The biblical style rant has left many monarchists nonplussed: ‘I’m a big fan of Liz’s early work but this got ugly fast. It almost as if she thinks being a billionaire entitles her to be a literary critic. She’s clearly been on the cooking sherry.’
Elizabeth took issue with JK’s slavish support of neo-liberalism; instead of supporting the one true centrism – medieval feudalism. She harangued the author for portraying a magical nationalized rail service and calling all the Leave voters ‘Muggles’.
Slurring to camera, the Queen accused JK of being ‘cult-like’ or something similar: ‘She obsesses about a magical grandad, who trains his young anarchist followers to change the world. Dumbledore? Who the hell is Dumbledore?’