The Truth about Goats
Having landed on the dark side of the moon, Chinese scientists have confirmed a complete lack of quadraphonic music and ‘almost no evidence’ of 1970’s prog-rock. Instead, the Chang’e-4 probe found a barren, rocky landscape, devoid of atmosphere – which is much more similar to Radiohead’s ‘Ok Computer’.
Despite an estimated sales of over 45 million copies, the album is now thought to be a money-making ploy – a pyramid scheme, if you like – dispersing light into colour. Commented one fan: ‘I was expecting a soaring guitar solo with layered vocals, instead all I got was grainy photograph of the Von Kármán crater and this lousy cheese-smelling t-shirt’.
Previously, the Apollo 17 landing had disproved any lunar dancing from Van Morrison, Thin Lizzy or King Harvest. Cat Stevens’ ‘Moon Shadow’ was just dust on the lens and this was all despite Frank Sinatra demanding to be flown to the Moon for free.
This brings into question the scientific validity of other concept albums; how lonely was Sgt. Pepper, did Ziggy Stardust really oscillate and was Tommy a pinball wizard or just a muggle? Explained one scientist: ‘What little atmosphere the Moon has consists of has consists of unusual gases like sodium and potassium – ‘Money’ is not one of them’.