The Truth about Goats
In the absence of any real increase in nursing or funding, the NHS is going to have to depend upon implausible plot devices and a lifetime’s supply of Tiger Balm. Theresa May’s ‘long term plan’ relies heavily on the discovery of the Fountain of Youth and 18th level healing Cleric from Dungeons & Dragons™.
As the Prime Minister refuses to actually pay for anything, a team of the best sci-fi writers will be employed to fill in the gaps with ‘Deus ex machina’, ‘kingsfoil’ from Lord of the Rings and DNA from Captain Scarlet. The Philosopher’s Stone will be used in conjunction with Unicorn’s blood and a dab of TCP for good measure.
Explained one Health Minister: ‘In a fictional multiverse replete with all manner of cures, why do we need to fund the NHS? I saw a documentary where this Doctor chappy regenerated into a girly Doctor – and at no expense to the tax payer. Can’t we just do that? And if everyone regenerates as a doctor, that will also solve our staffing shortages’.