The Truth about Goats
Government officials have identified a loophole being exploited by itinerant ne’er-do-wells, intent on avoiding work at all costs. Rather than getting on the housing ladder, like any self-respecting capitalist, too many homeless people are choosing the soft option – by freezing to death.
Complained the Tory housing minister: ‘They’re just trying to make us look bad. It’s some kind of scam, we’re sure of it. A 24% rise in deaths in five years? Clearly they’re trying to exploit the benefit system, by monopolizing all the cheap coffins.’
With 600 deaths in the last year, there is an ever increasing number of vagrants who will stop out nothing – to stop at nothing. Death is an all too easy way to avoid abuse, addiction and the Eastender’s Xmas Special.
Admitted one tramp: ‘I used to beg for scraps and sleep in shop doorways but I’ve recently started to ask is there an easier option? A dignified exit, where money, housing and jobs no longer exist – so, with that in mind, I’ve opted for Theresa May’s Brexit.’