The Truth about Goats
Consumer groups are frustrated that a malfunctioning Prime Minister cannot be cheaply repaired and will ultimately end up as landfill – or in the ‘House of Lords’ as it is known. What was 2016’s ‘must have’ gadget, has now been reduced to series of juddering dance moves, the phrase ‘strong and stable’ and the smell of burnt toast.
Studies suggest that 8% of appliances and political promises die within the first year, alongside the hopes of a gullible electorate. Said one voter: ‘I purchased a Nick Clegg in 2007, with the guarantee of no student fees and faster broadband. Yet by 2019 he’d completely broken down and screwed up Facebook’.
By contrast a ‘Boris Johnson’ can be renewed through rigorous septic plumbing, re-thatching and a guest appearance on ‘Have I Got News For You’. Manufacturers and racists argue that a long-running Boris Johnson will generate far less toxic emissions than a newer Tommy Robinson.
The Maybot 2000 was in operation for all of five minutes, before a stray piece of wheat straw caused an electrical fire, resulting in a Brexit malfunction and the deletion of five hundred Windrush files. Admitted one Tory: ‘Maybot has had her day. Brown goods sometimes need replacing, although Sajid Javid is probably a little too brown for our tastes’.