The Truth about Goats
Blistering congressional testimony, by Michael Cohn, has revealed absolutely 0% new information about the character of Donald ‘J for Jerk’ Trump. In fact, news that Trump is a ‘conman’ and a ‘cheat’ will come as a relief to those who thought he was so much worse.
Trying to spark some interest, Trump’s former lawyer suggested that the President regularly ‘lied’, to which prosecutors replied: ‘You mean he sometimes tells the truth?!?’. Mr. Cohn even produced a cheque apparently signed by Trump used to pay off Stormy Daniels, made out to ‘random lady/insert name here’.
So low is public opinion in Mr. Trump, that no one would have been surprised if Mr. Cohn had blamed Trump for Brexit, Angela Smith’s mouth and Transformers 6. We already know that Mr. Trump avoids tax, fidelity and vegetables; so it came as no surprise that he had colluded with Russia. The surprise was that Russia would bother colluding with him.
A deflated Cohn asked Congress what he could say about Trump that would shock them, to which they replied: ‘That he’s innocent’.