Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

By 29th March everyone in the UK will be a constitutional expert

As a result of wall to wall ‘Brexshit’ coverage, your average voter now has a better grasp of parliamentary procedures than William Pitt the Younger. In fact, most people can confidently quote Hansard in Latin, draft their own legislation and have John Bercow on speed-dial.  

So caught up are they, in the minutiae of the House of Commons, that your average Brit now dresses like a 18th century Fop and regularly uses the word ‘gadzooks’ when sneezing.  Daily newspapers are now produced on vellum and everyone gets to have a turn at being the Chair of the 1922 Committee.

Wearing a powdered wig, one voter commented: ‘I know all about the history of the building, for instance did you know that Jacob Rees Mogg is what happened when Big Ben got f$cked by a Dementor?  Also any Brexit Bill is tied up in green ribbon, the colour of the House of Commons, and carried by hand through Central Lobby into the House of Lords – and then put in ye olde shredder’.

Not everyone is a Parliamentary scholar, there still exists pockets of ignorance – usually on both the Front Benches.  Explained one Minister: ‘Apparently there’s this thing called ‘Democracy’?  I think it’s the name of one of the cloak rooms – the one where you hang your sword up.  Trouble is, this place is a warren.  I’ve been here twenty years and am yet to find it’.


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This entry was posted on March 19, 2019 by in UK Politics and tagged , , , , , , , .

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