Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

MP: Solve knife crime by running away


Sir Christopher Robert Chope O.B.E. D.I.P.S.H.I.T., has told a Home Affairs Select committee that the number of knife attacks could be instantly halved if everyone was built like Chuck Norris and could run like ‘The Flash’.  The MP also confirmed that far less people would be stabbed, if more people replaced their skin with hardened rubber.

The Christchurch MP said teenagers should train themselves to ‘deal with the situation’, by attending self-defence classes run by Mr Miyagi.  Ninja mentoring should be offered to troubled teens and dance classes for those that want to do that ‘slow-mo backwards leany-thing’ from ‘The Matrix’.

A similar scheme had trials in the US, with suspects encouraged to out-run bullets – but as yet, the success rate is relatively low.  Although being white and rich seems to offer its own invisible shield.

One knife victim commented: ‘It’s so obvious, now he said it. Run away. Of course!  My mistake was repeatedly running onto the knife. I just need to out-pace my problems. As long as I can out-sprint poverty, social exclusion and a lack of policing, I’ll be fine’.

Advertisements

Give Wrenfoe a piece of your mind

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Information

This entry was posted on April 11, 2019 by in UK Crime and tagged , , , .

Reformation (play script)

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 9,617 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 42,666 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter

By

Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2018

Flib Zealots

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2017

%d bloggers like this: