The Truth about Goats
Bleary eyed and unshaven, Julian Assange has emerged from the Ecuadorian Embassy shocked to discover that after 28 Brexit Secretraies and 178 Meaningful Votes, Brexit has still not occurred. Originally Mr Assange had claimed diplomatic immunity, desperate to escape a divided Conservative Party – but sadly seven years on, the Tories remain split and James Corden is still on TV.
When he first went into refuge, Obama was President and the UK was celebrating the Olympics – but now one has been replaced with a clown and the other with a pie fight. However there are some constants; the Middle East is still in turmoil, Boeings still crash and there is still nothing worth watching on TV.
A reporter confirmed: ‘Mr. Assange exited thanks to a seven year itch – although that may be due to cat fleas. His first words on leaving were ‘Has Game of Thrones finished?’ – which was greeted with mocking laughter. Secondly he said ‘Please tell me Boris Johnson is no longer Mayor’, to which there is good and bad news’.
People have been fascinated by Mr. Assange’s enforced hibernation and why he looks like an unwashed Carey Mulligan. He now faces extradition, illegal prosecution and possibly torture in the US – which has to be moderately preferable to actual Brexit.