The Truth about Goats
Apple are proud to introduce a new business model whereby, customers will simply be advised to upgrade from an iPhone 11 to an iPhone 12 – without the hassle of having to find where you left your over-priced charger. If time is money, it is cheaper to buy a new phone, then spend 1,362 hours looking for a £10 wire.
Said one phone owner: ‘Previously when battery-life dwindled I’d be forced to send it for repair, which would take several days. Or worse still, re-charge it – which would take several weeks. But now for a mere $900 per day, I can have a fully charged phone’.
Instead of a traditional wire, the mobile will come with a 6 mile long cable that ties you to the nearest Apple sales assistant. Explained an executive: ‘Built-in obsolescence, is a now thing of the past. We are also considering a battery-less model, the iBrick’.
Your average iPhone user is now expected to expected use over 500 iPhones in a life-time, whereas the life-time of an iPhone battery is only expected to outlast how long it takes you to smash the screen. Apple were quick to explain that they were not trying to fleece customers and they looked forward to the launch of next year’s must-have-gadget the ‘iShears’.