Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Students paying for Teacher meals out of their own pocket money

While 45% of UK teachers have bought essentials for their students, many students have been forced to support malnourished staff with gin-soaked apples and pickled onion ‘Monster Munch’ from their packed lunch. There are accounts of children feeding teachers cat food, saucers of milk or making a nest for them in the stationery cupboard, out of a cardboard box and shredded SATs results.

Said one primary student: ‘I’ve taken to hanging a suet fat ball from the ceiling of my classroom. During the lesson, Miss will take a few embarrassed pecks at it; but at break time it will be covered in ravenous staff. Our headmistress has a particularly beautiful plumage’.

The staffing and funding crisis is so pronounced that newly qualified teachers have been placed on the endangered list. The RSPCA advises that the average teacher must be at least 600g to survive their hibernation period over the Summer vacation.

Complained one student: ‘Trouble is, once you feed a stray teacher, they have a habit of following you home. They just scratch at your front door, making a pining noise and start rummaging through your bins. It would be just kinder to put them out of their misery – let them just become a prison warder instead’.

Give Wrenfoe a piece of your mind

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


This entry was posted on May 23, 2019 by in UK Education and tagged , , .

Reformation (play script)

Prize Winners

Our readers described Flibbertigibbet News as ..."only slightly less accurate than the Daily Mail"(Dizzychick84) ..."clearly under-appreciated" (Sean Smithson)..."Half man, half goat. All Comedy"(JizzOSmith)..."the best reason for smirking at work" (DavidHollands) and ..."clearly an elaborate internet phishing scam!"(XangChek12)

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive FREE notifications of new posts by email.

Join 9,449 other followers

Blog Stats

  • 44,497 fumbles

Follow Wrenfoe on Twitter


Award Winning

Reader Review

"It takes a sick and yet highly evolved mind to fully grasp the sophistication of your humor. I tried to explain this to my wife, who thought I was having convulsions as I lay on the floor laughing." (Mike Lince)

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2018

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2019

Flib Zealots

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2014

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2013

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2015

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2016

Flibbertigibbet Annual 2017

%d bloggers like this: