Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

Bollocks to a solution


The EU elections saw 35% of the vote go Ultra Remain, 35% to Hard Brexiteers and the remaining 30% to those contemplating suicide. The UK electorate sent an unequivocal message of equivocation and a clear sign that we can not be trusted to pick our own noses, let alone a solution.

Both sides celebrated the impasse by stockpiling beans or buying a gun – depending on their levels of optimism. For them ‘compromise’ is a dirty word, alongside other dirty words; like ‘democracy’, ‘accountability’ or ‘ChangeUK’.

A spokeswoman for both sides of Schrodinger’s Brexit explained: ‘We’ve taken inspiration from the Mutually Assured Destruction (M.A.D) of the Cold War; instead we’ve called ours S.A.D. – ‘Simultaneously Assured Dumbarsery’. We’ll be sticking our heads in the sand, while kicking ourselves in the butt – quite the contortion, I think you’ll agree.’

This muddled election result has paved the way for a new Prime Minister who can unite the nation through a combination of hypnotism, denial and a rudimentary time machine. Explained one candidate: ‘It’s clear to me that Britain wants all the benefits of a dystopian nightmare, while at the same time retaining the comforts of Cro-Magnon man. All I need to do is unite these contradictory positions into one really bad idea – a bit like white socks, with black shoes – on a goat’.

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This entry was posted on May 28, 2019 by in International Politics and tagged , , , , .

Reformation (play script)

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