The Truth about Goats
Fans at the Cardiff’s Principality Stadium have complained that the pop divas were clearly audible throughout their performance. Said one fan: ‘I didn’t pay £100 to hear a cacophony of noise, I came to see what financial desperation coupled with Botox looked like’.
Said one traumatized eye witness: ‘Initially I heard a shrill, high pitched noise – not dissimilar to a masonry drill – but as the noise continued, it dawned on me that the band were trying to harmonize. There was something garbled about ‘zigazig ah’ and then to my horror I realised that those were actual lyrics’.
Open-air venues are notorious for their variable acoustics and sight-lines, with concert-goers often complaining of hearing James Blunt or seeing Ed Sheeran. At Glastonbury 2017 fans ridiculed a 30 minute set by Jamie Cullum, only later to discover it was an acoustic by Jeremy Corbyn.
Many teenagers were carried away to have their ears syringed and their memories erased. One doctor advised fans to ignore the tunes: ‘Goodness knows, the Spice Girls are’.