The Truth about Goats
The UK’s post-Brexit economic strategy to become an Airbnb for racist golfers, was dealt a humiliating blow when a Mr. D. Trump (50ish) awarded it only 2 stars – with 1 of those stars being for Hadrian’s Wall. The President was critical that the country was infested with cockroaches, ‘Muslimists’ and homosexuals – or socialists as they are known.
In Mr. Trump’s defence, Britain had not been entirely honest with their advert – ‘Come visit a vibrant, functioning democracy, here in the heart of the EU’. A more up to date description would have been ‘Economy to Let – one functioning toilet’.
A disappointed Trump witnessed countless examples of poor sanitation and deprivation; or ‘Austerity-lite’ as Theresa May calls it. Likewise his hotel room was covered in semen, blood and faecal matter, but the President has subsequently apologised for that.
Mr. Trump said there was a complete lack of mints or urinating Russian prostitutes on his pillow. He said the maid’s turndown service was a disgrace, as no woman ever turns down Mr. Trump. As for the other servants, they were surly and unattractive – particularly the one called Elizabeth II. While Melania’s only criticism was – ‘I asked for a single room’.