The Truth about Goats
After much soul searching, Heidi Allen (leader of CUK) has concluded she has no soul. The next logical step is for her party to disband, each to pursue their own brand of dubious tax return, international bribery and favourite pasty – although that last one may just apply to Mike Gapes.
With 11 MPs they were less a party, more a ‘polite gathering’ – but what they lacked in size they made up for in shadowy donations and institutional racism. The split is said to be amicable, but that may all change when they decide who gets the Nando’s loyalty card.
The Royal Mail plans to release a double-sided commemorative stamp with a picture of Margaret Thatcher on both sides – which symbolically involves constantly licking a neo-liberal but an inability to actually stick to anything. A spokeswoman for the group explained: We’ve a proud history – but no actual policies. But at least we were able to unite warmongers from the left and right; all under the banner of…what…what is that logo? Some kind of bar code?’
She boasted: ‘In a short period of time we have changed politics – but not in a good way’. Sadly, they are now polling at only 1%, said a voter: ‘Was it only three months? Jeez, it felt so much longer’.