The Truth about Goats
Having rattled through more parties than Charlie Sheen, the ex-Labour/TIG/CUK MP is looking settle down for the foreseeable future – all ten minutes of it. Currently the Lib Dems are favourites to benefit from Mr Umunna’s unique brand of loyalty; which brings with it a life-time guarantee, provided you happen to be a mayfly.
A long-term sufferer of itchy pant syndrome, Chuka has been unable to symbolically cut up his old party cards, as none of them have arrived as yet. Even for breakfast, he will often declare one porridge too hot, another too cold and the third one too full of socialist oats and the rancid milk of human kindness.
Before entering politics, he famously quit S Club Party, labelled as ‘disruptive’, as he could actually sing. He also bailed on the Madhatter’s Tea Party, accusing the dormouse of institutional racism and ‘smelling of cheese’.
Sadly, Mr Umunna has the capacity to make a weather vane look rigid. Said a spokeswoman: ‘He’s looking for a party that represents his core values, he’s just not sure what those values are’.