The Truth about Goats
In what cynics are describing as a convenient turn of events, the CIA has said they have found irrefutable evidence that Iran is behind recent tanker attacks; leaving behind lost passports, ‘I love the Ayatollah’ t-shirts and a copy of ‘Catcher in the Rye’. All of these new clues has been found lodged on the spire of Salisbury cathedral, alongside a canister of Novichok and an alien from Roswell.
National Security Advisor, John Bolton, was quick to implicate the Iranians in the Kennedy assassination, the invasion of Pearl Harbour and suggested they were behind attempts to frame Roger Rabbit. Helpfully a Messrs. Blair & Campbell were also able to provide an incriminating dossier, with the ‘Qs’ changed to ‘Ns’.
Having spent 10 years advocating a war with Iran, the US insisted they were only interested in bringing peace to the region – as Syria, Afghanistan, Libya, Turkey and anyone with an oil field could confirm: A spokesman explained: ‘Ignoring witness testimony to the contrary, setting aside the fact that an unarmoured group removed a limpet mine from above the water-line of an undamaged tanker – everything points towards Iran, mainly because the explosion smelt of kebabs’.
Sceptics have asked why Iran would attack a Japanese tanker, while hosting a landmark visit from Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, to which the CIA has said ‘ShutTheF$ckUp’. They refuted False Flag accusations: ‘Iran was behind 9/11, Brexit and New Kids on the Block. Iran is behind everything – except the fake moon landings, that was us.’