The Truth about Goats
Having reached its season finale, fraudulent fans of the ITV reality show, can go back to feigning interest in other fake relationships – such as Harry & Meghan, Boris & Carrie and Democracy & the UK. At its peak, the show had an audience of 3.63 million, meaning it repelled around 60 million normal viewers, who found something better to do, such as indigestion.
Said one bogus viewer: ‘It’s about an island – yes? A particular lovely island. All, sort of, surrounded by water and sandy bits. Very, very lovely. With some puffins?’. Another faker claimed: ‘It’s about a girl and a boy trapped on an island. And they’re been chased by a T-Rex and then there’s this bit in a kitchen with a raptor. Hold on…no…nope…that’s Jurassic Park’.
The show is filmed in Majorca, but frankly who cares? Apparently it is on its fifth series, but whatever? It is ITV’s most, blah, blah, blah. The presenter is Caroline Flack, Caroline who? And winning couple (there’s two of them?!?) receive £50,000 in prize money, so…meh.
There will be twice as much Love Island next year – as ITV will launch a winter series – giving you twice as many pop-culture references to concoct. Explained one weary non-viewer: ‘It’s an island. One stupid island, filled with stupid people. Now I know how mainland Europe feels about Britain’.