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Boris promises £1.8bn to NHS to cover his paternity tests


 

In a one off payment to the NHS, the new Prime Minister has promised to fully fund maternity wards inundated with mewling blond-haired homunculi. He said that hospitals should also be prepared for steep rise in ex-wives seeking anti-depressants and a cure for gonorrhea.

A spokeswoman confirmed: ‘With Boris becoming PM there may be an increase in specific medical needs like shock-therapy, anger-management and a cure for getting Brexit’.

Medical practioners are concerned that resources will be spread too thinly to pay for all the baby Boris’ and their inevitable need to buy water canons and build bridges. Worst still will be the cost of nappies, as Boris is famous for taking a huge dump and not clearing up his mess.

Said one Nurse: ‘I was told to spank a large chubby baby of his arse but I told him, have some respect Prime Minister’.

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This entry was posted on August 12, 2019 by in UK Health and tagged , .

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