The Truth about Goats
News that India and Pakistan might be heading for a new conflict, failed to resonate with Mark Gayle (39), who was too busy ‘crapping his pants’ over Trump, Brexit and the England Test Score. Prioritising other threats, has meant that Mark regularly ignores traffic lights, wet paint signs and news that daughter is getting a tattoo.
He explained: ‘I’ve only got so much fear to give, what with the collaspe of the environment, the economy and England’s middle batting order, I’m a gibbering wreck.’
Both India and Pakistan are nuclear powers, yet Mark preferred to opt for the fingers-in-ears approach, followed by a swift head-in-the-sand. Retreating to his ‘happy place’, or ‘shed’ as his wife calls it, allows Mark to block out world events, tax returns and the ‘odd lump’ he found in the shower.
Mark said: ‘If only there was some way I could order my terror, some handy print-based hierarchy of fear and dispair. A narrative of impending doom, that could guide me.’ For which The Daily Mail offers this convenient wallchart.