The Truth about Goats
Addressing a scantily-packed Lib Dem conference, the ex-Belgium PM, spelt out the future of the EU – which mainly involved reforming the Holy Roman Empire and weaponizing the Scout movement. Underlying his democratic principles Mr Verhofstadt’s said that there were no ‘nations…only Empires’ and that sooner Jo Swinson swore her allegiance to Emperor Palpatine, the better.
Members of UKIP and Brexit Party, who for years have been banging on about an EU super-state, were quick to acknowledge they had just been paranoid, said one: ‘Thank goodness they’re planning to establish an Empire that will last for a thousand years. I was really concerned that they were trying to come for our bendy bananas. Empires? That’s nothing to worry about. Nothing bad ever happened in an Empire. Phewy’.
Meanwhile the EU’s new President, Ursula von der Leyen, having assembled an all-white cabinet, promptly appointed a new overseer for immigration policy, to protect European culture, or ‘Operation – Keep Out Abdul’ as it is known. The new job title will be the ‘Commissioner for Protecting our European Way of Life’, which was seen as less cumbersome than the ‘Commissioner for Keeping out anyone Vaguely Brownish or a bit Islamic-y. But not in a racist way, oh no. Just in, don’t you think you’d be much happier living in the Mediterranean Ocean? – kind of way. P.S. please, drown quietly.’
Predictably Nigel Farage was appalled by these developments, his spokeswoman said: ‘A series of sinister authoritarian statements, masking dog-whistle racism and cultural elitism. Outrageous! Why didn’t Nigel think of it first?’