The Truth about Goats
Questions have been asked about the security measures surrounding Boris Johnsons, given that twice now the PM has been forced to talk to someone not from Eton. Shocking scenes show Mr. Johnson being confronted by some sort of sub-human creature, a troglodyte from the lower depths or voter as they are called.
Normally police officers maintain an exclusion zone around Mr. Johnson, designed to keep away members of the proletariat, tax inspectors or any ex-wives. Nearby, trained marksman have a shoot-to-kill policy, while Boris has an austerity-to-kill manifesto. Only Dominic Cummings has an all-access back-stage pass to the Prime Minister – although ministers say they are ‘just good friends’.
Explained one Health official: ‘We’d deliberately spent 10 years underfunding the NHS to ensure that no actual staff or patients would be around to meet the PM. I’m as shocked as you are, that ‘live’ members of the public were still at large. Trust me, when I say, by the time we are finished with the NHS, this whole place will be as quiet as a graveyard’.
A security advisor confirmed: ‘The Prime Minister has asked if there is a way to guarantee that every single human being is removed from the British Isles – which brings me nicely to his Brexit policy’