The Truth about Goats
The Prime Minister bravely wrestled a stolen mobile phone from an ITV journalist, while at the same time texting Laura Kuenssberg his inside trouser measurement. Naturally the journalist made up some guff about it being his phone and it having a picture of sick child; but as the PM explained, only a ‘nonce’ has photos of strange kids.
Critics have suggested that Boris is a serial liar but friends say he was just taking a moment to see if the phone had Farmville. The Prime Minister quickly confiscated the reporter’s notepad, credit card and shoe laces – all to be returned after the election.
A Downing Street spokeswoman said: ‘It was almost the perfect crime. Mr. Johnson was not fooled by the purchase receipt, the contacts list and family photos. All could easily be faked. Next you’ll be telling me, it was a real journalist’.
‘The PM is doing the work of 20,000 police officers, which is just as well, since we cut all their jobs’.