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Laura Kuenssberg knows what Santa is getting you


Always one for the inside scoop and election tampering, the BBC’s chief political correspondent knows about your internet history, your pin code and that embarrassing nipple hair “that won’t go away’.  No secret is too secret for old blabbermouth; including your latest biopsy results and that private fetish for Mike & the Mechanics.

Not only has Laura seen everyone’s ballot paper, she knows what underwear you have on and when you pick your nose.  She confessed to opening our Xmas presents in advance and writing all the cracker jokes – subject to Dominic Cummings’ approval.

Undeterred by a Metropolitan Police investigation, Kuenssberg bragged that she knew next week’s lottery numbers and the twist at the end of The Mousetrap.  She knows what number you are thinking of – 7, right?

Asked how she could be so sure that all the postal votes were for Boris Johnson, a BBC spokeswoman said: ‘It’s simple. Laura filled them all out first’.

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This entry was posted on December 12, 2019 by in UK Crime and tagged , , , , .

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