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Woodrow Wilson wins Iowa caucus


The Democratic Party denied that they were experiencing technical glitches with their voting system, despite Wilson beating a strong field of Jimmy Carter, Genghis Khan and Planter’s ‘Baby Nut’.  Having been dead since 1924, the victory is being seen as a strong endorsement of Wilsons’ League of Nations and a slap in the face for Joe Biden.

There has been a suggestion that some older ballots may have got mixed up with the new, with many Democrats endorsing a break from the British Empire.  Despite this, Woodrow’s team said they were delighted and hoped that he could unite the party, while gaining traction amongst cadavers – or retired Floridians, as they are known.

Bernie Sander’s supporters have been left confused by obtaining more votes, but receiving no actual delegates.  An official explained: ‘The rules are very simple, anyone can appear on the ballot, alive or dead – just as long as they are not a socialist.’

Meanwhile, Wilson planned to make a tour of winnable states – followed by his admirers, an odd smell and plenty of flies. Commentators admitted that it was unlikely that the electorate would send a corpse to The White House, so soon after having sent a big sack of jell-o to be President; but admitted that Wilson still stood a better chance than Hilary.

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This entry was posted on February 10, 2020 by in International Politics and tagged , , , , .

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