The Truth about Goats
Former Belgian King Albert II has been forced to admit to fathering an illegitimate child and not having read Tintin. Backdated child support payments will include €78, the city of Brussels and all the chocolate she can eat.
Albert had spent much of his life avoiding custody arrangements and the rest avoiding hints that his family collaborated with the Nazis. His daughter, Delphine Boël, accused the King of failing acknowledge her birthdays, while the Congo accused him of failing to acknowledge their very existence.
She had heard that her real farther was an unemployed bum – which helped her to narrow it down to the King of Belgium. Blood samples revealed her DNA to 80% North European, 15% Charlemagne and 5% swan – a perfect match for Albert.
Meanwhile Prince Andrew is said to have not fathered 1,000 illegitimate children, but not for ‘want of trying’.