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The Truth about Goats

People asked to go out to help the police stopping people going out

Police numbers are at a critically low point making it hard for them to stop public gatherings or stop people pointing and laughing. With a ratio of 500 people for … Continue reading

March 31, 2020 · Leave a comment

Teenager emerges from bedroom after 3 weeks to say: ‘What virus?’

  Although the UK is under lockdown, events are yet to disturb the sleep/gaming pattern of one hibernating teenager. In fact very few British youngsters are aware of the Coronavirus … Continue reading

March 30, 2020 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: One mask, one gown, one ventilator… £5000 no questions asked.

WINNER: One mask, one gown, one ventilator… £5000 no questions asked. (Ian Cooper) RUNNERS UP I married Akshata Murthy, the daughter of Indian billionaire – You can trust me, I’m … Continue reading

March 28, 2020 · 1 Comment

Assistant Referee still self-identifies as a ‘Linesman’

UEFA have come under fire for discriminating against ‘linespeople’ and their right to just focus on throw-ins and corners.  Since 1996, Graham Pollock (47) has had to live the lie … Continue reading

March 26, 2020 · Leave a comment

New £20 note to replace toilet paper

Panic buyers have given up stockpiling toilet paper and have gone for the next cheapest equivalent – the UK currency. The holographic £20 has become the perineal cleaner of choice, … Continue reading

March 25, 2020 · Leave a comment

House of Lords to be reformed by Coronavirus

The virus, which targets the elderly and infirmed, is said to have big plans for the House of Lords – replacing hereditary nobles with hereditary illnesses. The only defense against … Continue reading

March 24, 2020 · Leave a comment

Tory voter confused that he seems to have voted for socialism

  Despite his best efforts to keep Jeremy Corbyn out of No.10, Malcolm Lodge (62) was somewhat nonplussed to discover his Tory government were talking about nationalization, universal income and … Continue reading

March 23, 2020 · Leave a comment

Caption Competition: Hand santizer or super glue? Easy mistake to make

WINNER: Hand santizer or super glue? Easy mistake to make (from WhatWouldHow1) RUNNERS UP Vote Labour! Oh, no, erm it’s the Convitusvirue I should be talking about… er… wheres my … Continue reading

March 22, 2020 · 1 Comment

Sex position of the week: The reverse cow-herd immunity

Boris Johnson has decided to spice up his COBRA meetings, with a variety of emergency positions, designed to makes us all ‘sweat’.  He has thrown out the Kama Sutra and … Continue reading

March 19, 2020 · Leave a comment

Reformation (play script)

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