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Retired Doctors to be frontline vs Coronavirus, because ‘they’ll die first’


The Health Department has hit upon the novel idea of putting those with weakest immune systems at greatest exposure to Covid-19; thus cutting in half doctor’s pensions. The scheme will see retired doctors return to work, for the sole purpose of being sneezed on.

Known as the ‘The Reverse Shipman’, the plan entails patients killing their elderly doctors. It would be a similar scenario to the ‘Dad’s Army’ in WW2; provided Field Marshall Montgomery had sent Captain Mainwaring to defend Stalingrad.

A COBRA spokeswoman explained: ‘We plan to defeat the virus by simply tiring it out. If we keep throwing old people at it, it will eventually get bored and wander off. We are calling it the ‘Gammon Wall’. And if it works we’ll get to inherit early’.

Matt Hancock has drawn up a list of retired health professionals he wants target; including Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, Dr. Leonard McCoy and a pair of Dr. Martins. Those returning to the profession have been told to expect a pandemic with horrendous shortages and piles of dead bodies – so no change really.

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This entry was posted on March 5, 2020 by in UK Health and tagged , .

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