Woman who decorated room, pretty sure room decorated her

Having successfully redecorated her lounge, Ayesha Gul (32) is now convinced that she is wearing most of the materials used and the majority of a pot of paint.  Prior to her project Ayesha had what could be only described as lustrous, shoulder-length cinnamon-shaded hair, but now her primary colour is magnolia.

Plaster that should have filled unsightly holes, is now sticking one of her eyelids together and blocking one nostril.  The wallpaper she had fastidiously stripped, has fused to the bottom of her feet, creating flock patterned sandals.

Despite employing dust sheets, masking tape and all the kama she could muster, the whole project spiralled into a sketch from Laurel & Hardy.  Even though the room looks good, Ayesha looks like she is wearing all of B&Q simultaneously.

Patronising male friends have asked her why she did not get her boyfriend to help, to which Ayesha replied: ‘I did. In fact, he started it. But he’s been missing since day three.  I think he might be part of the Artex’.