The Truth about Goats
Voters are somewhat bemused to discover that taking back control of the UK’s borders, only applies to nurses from Jamaica. Anyone else who fancies a skiing trip, a jaunt to the Virgin Islands or just a weekend for two with Boris Johnson’s Dad – can head off with a spring in their step and Covid in their lungs.
While everyone else has been told not to sneeze within a two-mile radius of friends and family, those on planes were only asked to wash their hands ‘if they could be bothered’. After a year of Covid, it has only now occurred to the British government to ask passengers to test negative for coronavirus. Up until then, all you needed was your cycling proficiency test, a note from your Mum and a packet of condoms.
UK internal travellers are still exempt from testing because, er, no good reason really. Crew on the planes are not required to have a test but are banned from joining the ‘mile high club’. Commented a Brexiteer: ‘Remind me again, what I voted for? Preventing EU vaccines in order to have free-trade of viruses, was not what I had in mind’.
Remarked one coughing pilot: ‘I’ve absolutely no idea, how a disease could spread around the world so easily. It’s almost as if there was some flying, metal tube filled with infection, visiting every country. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve one hundred feverish holidaymakers to bring back from South Africa’.