The Truth about Goats
Terror threat levels are on high alert, as some of your family are now asking for you to cast a causal eye over this manuscript they have been working on. There is now widespread fear that you are going to have to find something polite to say about these literary turds or, worse still, help with the proof reading.
Covid has been the perfect excuse for friends to re-visit that idea they had had for a swashbuckling detective thriller – back when they were thirteen. Lockdown has seen people furtively typing, unleashing years of pent up artistic desire and untapped reservoirs of banality.
Publishers have been inundated with scripts, while coincidentally manufactures of recyclable toilet paper and owners of landfill sites, have also reported an upswing in raw materials. Due to coronavirus people are wearing more masks but they also appear to be wearing more berets.
Said one reluctant reader: ‘It’s been hellish, everyone seems to have penned a memoir. But if we all compose a self-pitying account of how hard we found Lockdown – what will the Guardian columnists have to write about? Its been one turgid novel after another…which is ironically the plot of this new book I’ve written’.