Flibbertigibbet News

The Truth about Goats

‘All things must pass’ advises Gastroenterologist

This reassuring advice has been given to Simon Kosmatka (37) who had inadvertently swallowed a series of cherry stones, after inhaling a home-made fruit salad, without pausing to chew.  Simon who has a habit of shovelling his food down, has in recent months eaten  the paper wrapping on a pasty, half a toothpick and the small plastic toy from his cereal box.


Said his long-suffering wife: ‘In the early days, I used to adore his healthy appetite and gusto for life but now I realise he’s just a human pedal bin.  We don’t do conversation at dinner, he just does the sound of guzzling, while I dodge the flying debris. Our sex life comprises by self- mastication, the meat sweats, followed by an afternoon nap’.


To his credit, Mr. Kosmatka is not over-weight, primarily because of the calories he expends furiously licking his plate.  In his own determined way, Simon can gobble and slurp in a manner that would embarrass a Chimps’ tea party.


Said Simon between mouthfuls: ‘What’s for pudding?’

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This entry was posted on April 21, 2021 by in UK Lifestyle and tagged , .

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