The Truth about Goats
With pundits predicting election embarrassment for Sir Keir Starmer, the hapless leader was quick to shift the blame to inclement weather, the fall of the Hapsburgs and Bach’s Piano Concerto in D-Minor. His lacklustre campaign has been beset by rumours that he lacks a pulse, coupled with the awkward moment when he was nominated for Tory MP of the year.
Party officials explained the problem: ‘Of course its Jeremy Corbyn’s fault, what with him not being a Labour MP. He got Hamas to secretly send him backwards in time, to when he won Hartlepool, twice, and changed Mr. Starmer’s name by deed poll to Keith’.
Calling the membership ‘racist Trots’ has not been the rallying cry Sir Keir had hoped. Likewise, voters have been uninspired by his slogan ‘Labour isn’t working…for Labour’.